These past months have been a total rollercoaster of emotions for me: My mother died, I started working after being jobless for about three years, my sister stopped talking to me over the family inheritance, I had to request a restraining order against my ex-husband, and I met a wonderful person that helped me rebuild my life.
Good things, bad things. Life.
Also, I’ve been suffering from anxiety for a few years now and that’s another factor that has made all these things more difficult (yes, even the good ones). It’s hard to ride the waves of existence when they get wild, now imagine doing it while constantly fighting a battle against your own mind. It can get very, very hard, and very, very scary. You hurt yourself, you hurt others. You fall, you get up, you fall again, you get up once more, and so on.
And that’s where I’m standing right now: there, in the middle of the path to mental stability. Grabbing all the bits of inner peace and harmony that I can, and trying to make them grow, to make them last. Looking in the mirror in order to learn to love myself again.
Damn it’s hard! No matter how many distractions you get yourself into, no matter how many self help books you read, no matter how many good wishes you receive, no matter how much help you get: in the end, you have to fight this on your own. It’s you and your mind.
It’s been five months since the last traumatic episode in my life took place, and I know I’ve learnt a lot, and I’ve also made a lot of mistakes.
If this is happening to you too, please know that I know. You might be fighting alone, but don’t feel lonely. Like you, like me, many of us are going through similar stuff: dying inside, looking for happiness, crying ourselves to sleep, hoping for the best, cherishing every moment of joy we bump into. Plus trust me, feeling lonely is a trap! It’ll make you think and do things that you may regret, and hinder your progress.
I’m here if you need to share anything. Leave a comment if you wish, just say hi.
